


Four Hearts

by Morie_mordant



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Metaphors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-22 23:10:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7457410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morie_mordant/pseuds/Morie_mordant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And from the highest cliff our grieving friends will scatter our ashes over the sea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four Hearts

**The first heart. Onion**

Eren sought death, dreading to die, weak and forgotten, in his own bed.

The green suicide cape matched the color of his eyes and his nickname. _Suicidal Blockhead_ – that’s what he was called – would want to die in a proper battle, not being torn apart by the monstrous children of the sun, but challenging an equal. The green suicide cape fit him; Oluo once gave him a silly grin and said that Yeager was destined to wear it.

Captain’s frown deepened then, and he ordered them to focus on cleanup. As for Eren, he tried to keep a cool face. Although he did not dare to smile happily in front of everyone, his lips treacherously jittered. Fifth out of the top ten, he was eager to perish, and he embraced his ludicrous onion heart, which was stepped in tears of others.

Annie kicked him a long time ago, and when Eren fell head over heels, he saw the bright blue sky and his own idiocy. She stripped off – over and over – all those layers of meaningless husk, only leaving the throbbing naked gut. She took away his faith in friends, she snatched victory out of his hands, and she refused to follow him into the darkness.

Annie Leonhart cried, holding his brave onion heart, while Eren could not bring himself to strike the final blow, he could not crush her with his fist and let go.

Indeed he hated her. Hated so much. Hated, right?

Eren wrapped himself in the green suicide cape and sipped his tea. It was Armin, nice and reliable Armin, who brought the tea. He was sitting beside, worried.

“It’s somewhat chilly, don’t you think?” – he shivered.

Armin was just a fair-haired big-eyed kid, after all, someone, who for some reason was pretending to be a soldier.

“Eren, don’t stay here for long, okay?”  
“No changes, are there?”

The kid sighed with some bitter sympathy.

“Nope. We aren’t even sure whether she’s still alive in that crystal”.  
“She is”.

Mikasa’s chapped lips touched his temple and eased a headache. Eren impulsively hugged her to feel the heartbeat and the warmth of her body. There were three women that he daily thought of: this half-blood, who was killing to protect him; a titan girl, who slaughtered hundreds of people because of him; and the war of course. The war took billions of lives and was ready to take him any second… The silence burst with his hoarse laughter, hands tried to keep the grip around her robust but delicate back, however, they suddenly felt boneless and slump. 

Armin brought him tea, and muffled him into the warm cape, then read books to him. Eren was being prepared for the Greater Purpose; he was loved and cherished so that he would gladly die for them. Annie was sleeping, surrounded by the strongest stone and the worst betrayal. Mikasa wrapped the stubborn onion heart with her scarf.

Eren desperately wanted to live, no matter how much he was convincing himself that he was ready to die.

**The second heart. Tea**

Deafening silence was almost physical. Nothing else, but silence and dust that quietly settled on the old walls. Of all in their squad, it was only captain who remained, along with the Savior of Mankind, whom that captain would have to kill if he suddenly got out of control. Or if he was no longer needed.

Lately, men did nothing but die for that brat, although it was probably least wanted by Yeager himself. Inaction was slowly poisoning him and it was obvious to everyone. As a young idealistic maximalist, he could not understand the significance of him being safe and sound; he never planned anything ahead, because he lived in the present.

Well, perhaps it was the right choice in such a fucked up world. Simply to live at the moment without the need to make up all those ridiculous plans that always get out of hand.

Yeager was afraid to distract or annoy him, so he just sat with his head down as if a dog, which was told off for the damaged sofa. The tea in his cup was cold long before; the bodies of his dead comrades were just as cold.

Levi thought it would have been natural and understandable if he has hated that punk, who tried on the green cape and titan skin. Petra and the rest fought, lost and were murdered – all to save him some time, all for him to survive – Yeager, however, hardly saw any value in his life. His only regret was that he had not entered the battle earlier. He could not help but believe that in such a case he would have been able to save at least someone.

Captain closed his eyes and sighed. Yeager was ten centimeters taller and ten years younger than him, yet Levi did not seem to find at least a tiny bit of grudge. He pitied that poor kid, who was forced to wake up from his dream of outside the walls, the world without titans, his dream of protecting his mother and sworn sister.

Eren would never see gates of Maria wall wipe opened, neither would he know the ‘outside’, nor celebrate the victory with mankind. Captain stared wistfully at the ceiling, attempting to imagine dreams and thoughts of such a kid. Still, he had those bright naïve eyes, on the other hand, their expression was becoming more and more haunted, as he watched his friends die or betray him.

Levi’s tea heart went rippling. His squad stayed on the other side of the wall; his squad consisted of solely himself and Yeager, who was pretty much doomed since his very first transformation.

“I wonder – am I ever to be free again? – kid’s voice was unusually quiet. – I mean I would really like to see that salty ocean with my own eyes. Surely it won't hurt anyone if I just disappear?"

Levi could have hated Eren for brown stains on the bottom of the teacup – it was difficult to wash them off – or for the cold tea of his heart. He was tired of burying his friends without the bodies. He could have hated Eren for not being able to avenge his friends. That so-called Savior could not bring himself to kill one sick bitch. Sick Bitch was just a little girl really, with similar dreams and similar fears. She was a prisoner now, nonetheless, not behind the bars – behind the stone no blade can break. Still, out of their reach.

“You mustn’t disappear, - captain shook his head, - you are a part of my squad, and I won’t let you disappear just like that, you brat”.

Levi could have hated him. Still couldn’t though.

**The third heart. Wasabi**

A companion of the Savior had to be a good match, vigorous, reliable, determined.

Mikasa knew she was strong – and beautiful. Her reflection in mirrors and whispers of admiration confirmed it constantly. Other proofs were vanquished titans, knocked down by her graceful hand, and title of second best after the little captain.

The green cape of survey corps was not her trademark; she was prepared to fight at any time of the day, in her favorite long skirt, even in the nightgown, which covered her gracile ankles and a dagger tied to one of them.

Eren could not hide the horror in his eyes every time he looked at the little scar on her cheekbone. He could not comprehend that he had harmed her, he could not even remember it (which was even worse), and so he was afraid to be around her in his titan form, he yelled at her, urging to stay away when he was about to transform.  
Mikasa was always nodding to that and stepping even closer. Without a blink, she was standing surrounded with steam, frightened and hateful gazes. She did not care, not in the slightest, because she was able to stay by Eren’s side – nothing else mattered.

Mikasa never considered herself a fool. It was clear to her that after the war there would be no place for them. Except for a grave in the soft dirt of Shiganshina, five meters into the ground, a small bullet hole in the forehead or a piece of blade deep in the skin (kindly left by Levi). Mikasa was ready to stand to the utmost.

Unless she would run away into the new-old world outside the walls. At the end of the day, there was always just the three of them: Eren, Mikasa, and Armin. No titans, no frowning captains with merciless hands, no pretty tiny Kristas who are really Historias the queens, no gloomy Annies who tease Eren about them being fragile and then teach him how to defend himself (and later kill her).

Mikasa’s heart pumped no blood, but wasabi. It was hot to the point of clenched teeth and narrowed eyes, to the point of some mad desire to crucify that blue-eyed titan woman. That woman was nothing fragile, but all her lessons went to waste, as Eren did not kill her. The treacherous woman stayed in her crystal coffin and in his thoughts.

Krista's soft touch ought to be forgiven because she was sweet and friendly for everyone all the same. She laughed – and her laugh sounded like the silver chimes – when Eren blushed in her caring hug. Krista was just as gracious and caring when she stroked Mikasa’s shoulder, asking if she slept well and whether she liked her breakfast.

At no time Annie was sweet and friendly. She smiled only during her sparring sessions with Eren. It was hardly a smile, more of a smirk. Annie squatted next to him (defeated, sore, his butt facing the sky, and his face in the dust) and poked that lifeless body to find out if he was still alive. She was always winning.

However, Mikasa was stronger, she knew that. Annie was locked in her crystal coffin with no one to dry the tears off her cheeks – Eren was still the Hope of Mankind. With Mikasa next to him, where she would stand no matter what: the sweltering steam, terrified people who spat at them and wanted them dead, and captain, who would stay nearby so that when the war was over he would end the last of the titans for good.

Common folks had wet and warm hearts. Asians had the sizzling and fiery wasabi instead. Mikasa was the last one who bore that special heart, yet it did not belong to her anymore. It was her sworn brother that had it. When he was nine, he tracked down and slew two grown men to save her. When he was seventeen, he joined the survey corps to give her a new world.

Eren always understood her, no questions asked, no spoken words needed. One time he embraced her and promised that they were going to be together until the end of the world (both knew he was lying but she chose to believe him). When he transformed, he had a habit of holding her in his huge palm, carrying her to the safe place. He was growling, as he could not talk, but she knew it was an order, a plea not to follow him…

Mikasa wanted to be strong, be worthy.

“Idiot”, - at those rare moments when Eren was lazy and carefree, he would gently play with strands of her short hair, smiling soothingly, and wasabi was as sweet as life.

**The fourth heart. Laurel**

Annie was the victor, thus father gave her a name, an aquiline nose, and a laurel heart. Annie knew deep down that Mikasa was a better fighter, however, she also knew that in the long run nobody else but a Leonhart would gain the upper hand. Reiner was also physically superior, but he would never raise a hand to comrades, so it was easy for her to use his huge body against himself during their workouts. Last but not least, there was Bertolt as well. For sure he was the strongest of them all, even when he could not care less. On the other hand, for some unknown reason, Annie Leonhart was one of the few people Bertolt would not fight with.

"You know, you were always pretending not to give a damn, but you can't seriously believe that I haven't seen that smile on your face when you were given a chance to show off during our training".

Annie turned off water and climbed out of the shower booth, trying not to slip. Towels were small and hard, she could not even wrap it around the chest, but she was used to them. Back at home, it was the same, as dad had not paid attention to such insignificant details. To be fully honest, neither had she.

“I’ve always thought of you as the worst liar ever”.

Annie allowed Armin to welcome her at his table. Hey, Mikasa and Bertolt definitely should chill; it was not even like Yeager himself invited her. Armin did it due to being polite and cute. Yeager had not even noticed her yet, as he was explaining something loudly to Mikasa, forgetting about food and swinging his arms in excited gestures. He pushed Annie’s shoulder _twice_ before he actually turned his head to her to say hi.

His hands were warm. God, but he was definitely too noisy.

“I’m such a moron, screw me”.

It was not truly a fight – more of a dance. They stepped on and squeezed annoying humans with their feet, they broke each other’s bones repeatedly, in order to approach each other again, stand so close that their noses almost touched. They were too familiar with each other: they kept in mind every single sparring move and guessed opponent’s thoughts.

“Just tell me, Annie. Just tell me, why?”

Her hold rather felt as an embrace, not an attempt to strangle him. When she was biting him, he could feel her hot lips, much more than her sharp teeth. They could not speak, as titans could only fight and look into each other’s eyes. _I can’t explain – Eren – I’m sorry._

_What the fuck – I will kill you – bitch._

_I’m sorry._

_Why are you doing this – stop._

_Can’t._

_Why didn’t you follow me – why didn’t you take my hand._

_You wouldn’t understand._

He roared, and his roar echoed in her head and did not let her think, while she had to come up with something really quickly. She knew there was no way she would lose. She could escape, could…

Where? There was no safety outside the walls. Frankly speaking, no place was safe for her. Not anymore.

“Annie, please, say something”.

Laurel was for the victors. Stone was for underdogs. Annie did not want to remember anymore, she just wanted to fall asleep in her bed made of stone. It was hard and uncomfortable, but she was used to that. Back at home, it was the same, as dad had not paid attention to such insignificant details. Therefore, neither had she.

There was only one thing left bothering her. Why could not Yeager shut up? Annie did not manage to hear others, nor could she feel the blades unsuccessfully trying to shatter the surface of her crystal case, in which she hid like a coward. She was all alone, but she could still feel his hand on her shoulder. That little spot burned like fire. Annie was trying to rest in peace but could not forget the pattern of his pulse. She knew it too well to let go so easily. So the only solution was to make him shut up, stop existing, stop waiting for her and calling her name.

“Annie, come back, please”.

She wanted him to hear her heartbeat, so-so badly. Her laurel heart, which she did not deserve, because she lost; which she merit by not giving up.

Nor Eren was going to give up any time soon. Annie knew him far too well, hence had no doubt in that. Hence she could not help but love, losing to her own heart.


End file.
